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In an attempt to get people sharing their personal experiences of marriage, the following Marriage Questionnaire was sent to several married couples. We reproduce here some of the responses and will add to this as more replies come in. We would greatly appreciate your comments if you have experience of marriage, or your questions if you have no experience of marriage as such.
MARRIAGE QUESTIONNAIRE.
- The most important lessons I have learned about marriage after … years are:
It's constant hard work; it's never easy; it's not smooth sailing; partners change as life goes on; advent of family changes everything.
- What I wish somebody had told me before I decided to get married:
How different life is today, how different it will be in the future; the importance of roots, where we are coming from; I really don't think I would have listened – it's your own experience anyway, not someone else's.
- The best ways to overcome a row or disagreement in marriage are:
Talk about it; avoid shouting or name-calling; be careful what you say; talk it out and go out socially together.
- What have been some of the greatest positive features of your marriage?
The camaraderie; companionship; the children; building a home; good fun together; buying a lovely house together.
- What have been some of the biggest negative features?
Others interfering; demanding friends; sexual activity; compromise
- The best things to help the sexual side of our relationship have been:
Communication; respect; “destressing”; exercise; having fun together
- The lesson I'd like others to know about sex in a loving relationship:
It's not “happy ever after”; males and females differ enormously; it's important – very important; not always available; it can be very rewarding and keeps a relationship going
- This is what I would say to someone contemplating marriage:
Think long and hard; explore the reasons why; be sure you've had time and loads of experience before making the decision; know your partner; think carefully about it
- This is what I would say to someone facing problems in marriage:
Get counselling – outside help is essential; he/she who have themselves for counsellors, have a fool for a guide; early in the illness – prevention is better than cure; try hard to work them out
10. What I would say about prayer with and for one another in our marriage:
It is probably easier to do than you think; it's not always possible; if you pray, then pray for those who don't pray, if possible pray together.
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