Those days of organising and preparing for marriage are for some couples both the most exhilarating and challenging times of the early loving relationship. During this time couples can overcome obstacles they never would have imagined or envisaged and, in the process, grow closer together in mutual respect and love. Adversity and challenge can sometimes bring previously unknown qualities to the fore. However, adversity and challenge can also allow individuals to regress into themselves in non-communicative silence, or to engage in a culture of blaming and grievance at the perceived faults of their partner.
One of your primary tasks in preparing for marriage is to accept yourself as you really are, and your partner as he/she is – including your collective imperfections and differences. This can sometimes be difficult because the behaviours you dislike in your partner may have the power to trigger your emotional hot spots. It can also be difficult because in love you very naturally want to influence your partner and, consciously or unconsciously, you may want to change him/her. So accepting your partner as he/she really is can take time requiring patience and understanding. At times this can become a real pinch issue for you and you may ask yourself:
“Is she really doing this to annoy me?”
“Doesn’t he know this really irritates me?”
“Sometimes I wonder do we really know one another at all?”
Being really open to love can on occasions be challenging because it entails acknowledging the open wounds of love within yourself. This can be easier said than done because it involves awareness of your own vulnerabilities and, at times, experiencing the pain of feeling unloved. In being open to love you need to constantly notice the obstacles that prevent love from filtering in to your life. You may need to ask yourself, “Is my openness to love being blocked by fear, resentment, insecurity, anger, or my unresolved issues of childhood and adolescence?” Indeed, from time to time, you may ask yourself, “How can I let my partner into my open heart when I sometimes deny access to myself?"
You may sometimes feel there’s an element of risk in letting your partner into your heart, but the payoff within relationship is being held in love. In opening your heart to love you are liberating yourself from the obstacles of pain and separateness. You are essentially saying yes to yourself in as much as you’re saying yes to your partner. This is called dwelling in love with an open heart.
Exercise: Discuss with each other the obstacles that hold you both back from being more open to love. What are your fears? Discuss how you can help one another to be more open within the areas that are difficult for each of you.
For Your Information:
The Accord marriage preparation course, “Marriage – A Journey Not a Destination” offers couples the opportunity to reflect on their unique relationship and discuss topics which are important in their lives. Taking time to explore such topics, in private, can result in couples gaining a better understanding of themselves and their fiancé and this can have a very positive impact both on their relationship and future together.
For further information visit: http://www.accord.ie