Overreacting: The Consequences

It isn’t comfortable to admit to ourselves that we have overreacted… Maybe we are beginning to realise that we have a pattern of overreacting… We may feel embarrassed and ashamed about the ways we have behaved and the things we have said… or the angry silences that have been impossible to break.

It can help to ask ourselves some questions: How often have I lost my temper and lashed out with words or physical aggression? How many times have I felt so overwhelmed that I froze, or felt like I was going to faint? Have I ever had a reaction that led me to feel paralyzed by a deep despair and hopelessness?

“Emotional overreactions often cause us as much pain as they cause for the people around us…” (Siegel, 2010, 12)

We can’t avoid the consequences. Whether our style of overreaction is to explode, implode, or to do a bit of both, there will be a price to pay.

Our feelings provide us with information that is vital to our wellbeing. Each time we become aware of a problem in our life, we are presented with an opportunity to solve it. By being aware of, and trying to understand, our feelings we can learn a great deal about ourselves and the other people involved in any situation.

“By succumbing to our overreactions, we compromise our ability to take hold of the feature that might actually be useful…” (Siegel, 2010, 13)

In other words, if we react in ways that exclude thoughtful awareness, we make it impossible for ourselves to use the information from which we could otherwise have learned.

As a result, we repeat our pattern of overreaction and, in the absence of awareness of our feelings, fail to learn from our experience while missing another opportunity to find better ways to cope…

COUPLES & Covid-19 CHALLENGE:

Looking back to the questions listed above… How often do I lose my temper in ways that lead me to abuse verbally? Do I lose my temper in ways that lead to physical aggression? How often do I become so overwhelmed that I freeze, and can’t do anything to prevent the situation from getting worse? How often have I become overwhelmed, found myself retreating, and then sinking into a silence I can’t seem to break.

Do you find it hard to put words on how you are feeling? When someone asks you how you are feeling do you tend to provide information about things that happened instead? When someone is angry with you do you tend to withdraw? When somebody challenges you, do you get really annoyed and stand up to them?

Do you remember times in childhood when adults in your family exploded in anger? Were there times when adults were withdrawn and silent? Do you remember what that was like for you?

Exploding and/or imploding don’t have to happen… we can learn to manage our emotions and feelings in healthy ways; ways that don’t distress our children and damage our relationship with our partner/spouse.

To access support now, contact:

ACCORD COVID-19 COUPLES & RELATIONSHIPS SUPPORT LINE
    01 531 3331    /     048 9568 0151     /     01 905 9555

Ref: SIEGEL, J. P. (2010) Stop Overreacting: Effective Strategies for Calming Your Emotions. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications


MG (2020-04-20)