3rd January 2017
Preparing For Marriage and Defining What You Want From Your Relationship
Imbued by New Year resolutions many couples preparing for marriage will be focussing on becoming the best husband, wife, father or mother they can be. Each one of you will have your own understanding of what constitutes a good marriage; for some of you that may be the realisation of sharing your life with your soul mate; for others it may be represented by a selfless approach to possessions and a total giving of yourself to your partner; for some it may rest in being able to compromise on problematic issues and in communicating together openly and honestly; some of you may see it as having the ongoing endurance to remain patient, loving and kind to one another and taking the good days with the bad; and for others a good marriage may be represented in the day-to-day living out of that special union of body, mind and spirit that holds you together.
Each one of you has your own individual reason(s) for getting married. For the majority of individuals there is the obvious surface level reason of having met that special person in your life whom you want to spend the rest of your days with. For some couples who have been together for a long time, now may seem the optimum time to formalise the partnership. For some of you perhaps there is ever-present awareness of your body clock and this may be the right time in life for you. For some of you it may be that you want to start a family. For others it may be that you need to get away from home or away from the influences of parents, family or peers. Whatever the reasons couples need to openly and honestly share with each other why they want to marry.
Fiancées also need to share with each other what they want from the relationship. The often stated reality of “I’m getting married because I love you and want you,” while absolutely sincere and true, can sometimes conceal a deeper personal reason which has perhaps not yet filtered through to the conscious mind. So as somebody preparing for marriage in 2017, what do you want from your relationship? Do you want a sense of security and comfort? Do you need emotional closeness most of all? Do you want a safe, trustworthy and stable relationship? Do you want the psychological comfort of having somebody that’s yours? Do you want intimacy and passion most of all? Do you want to live with the qualities of gentleness, understanding and kindness? Do you want somebody to look after you? Do you want to look after somebody? Do you want to become a mother or a father most of all? Do you want to become somebody other than the person you are now?
The above are but some of the underlying reasons that individuals are attracted to marriage. There are countless other reasons all unique and individual. It is abundantly clear that whatever you want from marriage is consistently unique to the special human being you have become in life.
Discuss with each other why you want to marry. What is it you want from each other most of all in marriage? Can you facilitate within your relationship the reality that each of you has different needs?
For Your Information:
The Accord marriage preparation course, “Marriage – A Journey Not a Destination” offers an extensive series of activities around issues relating to the preparation for marriage. For further information visit: