Spending that blissful first Christmas together is frequently one of the great joys of life for newly married couples, and one that couples preparing for marriage most look forward to. This will have been something you have both looked forward to since you commenced the endless days and nights of planning your special day. This is your time and you can’t wait for it to begin. And while Christmas brings overwhelming feelings of positivity and happiness it can also herald the arrival of tensions and challenges within married life.

Sometimes these tensions arise from having unrealistic expectations of what you want from Christmas. Since your wedding day you will most likely be carrying financial burdens of debt that will need to be paid off over the coming year. Perhaps one of you is better at managing money matters than the other. Indeed the partner who is managing your money affairs may want to cut back on gifts and expenditure over the Christmas period so as not to increase your borrowings. Because of this you may on Christmas morning feel disappointed your partner has not met your material expectations. You may feel you have gone to great pains to get the perfect present for him/her but that same generosity of spirit has not been applied to you.

On occasion couples expectations of Christmas are so high that nothing can satisfy them. In this vein Christmastide can quickly slide into feelings of anticlimax in which nothing meets your approval. You may be disappointed with siblings and family members who spend Christmas with their families and do not call to see you. You may have expected so much from close friends but none may have visited your new home over the Christmas period. Or you may have allowed that family row which has been going on in your family, or maybe in your partner’s family, for some years to infiltrate your home and upset your planned Christmas together. You may feel disillusioned by your partner who promised to go shopping with you but let you down because of the after affects of the Christmas office party. You may feel gloomy and empty within yourself because the incredible buzz you experienced last year in preparing for your special day is now but a distant memory.

At times couples most harmonious dreams of Christmas are shattered by news of illness, accident on the roads or even death in the family. It may feel that fate is conspiring against you in that you are to be denied your first Christmas together as a married couple. You may feel the great sense of hope and joy you wished for together has been taken from you.

The essence of Christmas for so many couples is sharing the intimacy, the peace and the joy together in love. It is about facing life together, communicating endlessly and sharing with one another. It is about experiencing the ecstasies and sadness as one; the highs and the lows; the intimacies and the arguments. When couples approach Christmas with this fullness of love they can overcome together the tensions and challenges that come their way.

Exercise:

Discuss together what might represent the most intimate expression of love in sharing your first Christmas together as a married couple, or as a couple preparing for marriage. Discuss how you might make Christmas more special for each other and what it is you most need from each other this Christmas.

For Your Information:

The Accord marriage preparation course, “Marriage – A Journey Not a Destination” offers an extensive series of activities around issues relating to the preparation for marriage. For further information visit:

www.accord.ie