Back to Routine, Back to Us: Finding Time for Your Relationship This September

September can feel like a fresh start for many families. School bags are packed, routines are returning and family calendars are filling up again. After the more relaxed pace of summer, life can quickly become busy with school runs, homework, work commitments, activities and appointments. For couples, September can also be an opportunity to pause and ask a simple question:

How are we doing as a couple?
When family life is busy, it is easy for your relationship to slip down the list of priorities. You may find that most of your conversations are about the children, the household or what needs to be done next. You are working together as parents but perhaps spending less time connecting as partners. A warm, connected relationship between parents and a supportive co-parenting relationship can both contribute to better outcomes for parents and children.

When did we become a parenting team?
It is possible to be loving and committed parents while also feeling disconnected from each other. You might still care deeply about your partner but find that you rarely have the time or energy to talk about anything other than practical matters. Sometimes couples can begin to feel more like colleagues managing a busy household than partners in a relationship. September’s return to routine can make this particularly noticeable.

Don’t let connection become another task on the list
When couples realise they have become disconnected, the answer can sometimes feel like another thing they have to fit into an already packed schedule. But reconnecting does not always require a big gesture or a regular date night. It might begin with small moments.

Put the phones away for ten minutes and ask each other how you are really doing. Sit together after the children have gone to bed. Notice something your partner has done and acknowledge it. Talk about something other than the children. Give each other a hug before leaving for work. These small moments can help couples remember that there is a relationship underneath the roles of parent, worker and household organiser.

This September, check in with each other
As routines return, you could take a few minutes to ask each other

-Are we spending enough time together as a couple?
-Do we feel like we are working together as parents?
-What has been difficult for each of us recently?
-Is there something we need from each other that we haven’t been able to ask for?
-What is one small thing we could do this month to feel more connected?

You may not be able to change everything about your family routine. But small changes can make a difference when they are repeated and meaningful. And if conversations about parenting, family life or your relationship regularly turn into conflict, distance or frustration, you don’t have to wait until things become a crisis before seeking support.
At Accord, couples therapy provides a confidential space where couples can explore difficulties in their relationship, understand what may be happening between them and begin to find ways to reconnect. This September, as the family gets back into routine, don’t forget the relationship at the heart of it. A new school year can be a new opportunity to look after your relationship too.