Flooding:

In January and February 2020, the world news was dominated by coverage of the devastation caused by flooding. Australia, Indonesia, Spain, France, Luxembourg, the UK, Ireland and the US were among those countries that were caught up in the struggle to cope with the life-changing damage that ensues when river water breaks out of the confines of its channel. When a river channel can no longer cope with the volume of water that has built up within it and the water level reaches the top of the riverbank, the fate of the floodplain is sealed. Water surges far and wide endangering lives and property. Flooding is often sudden, almost always damaging, and regularly brings with it a significant threat to property and even life.  

It is appropriate that the term ‘flooding’ has been adopted to describe what happens when, following a rapid sequence of events in the nervous system, a person loses control of their emotions.  

The Gottman Institute1 defines emotional flooding as: “A sensation of feeling psychologically and physically overwhelmed during conflict, making it virtually impossible to have a productive, problem-solving discussion."

Researchers engaged in long-term scientific studies of couples during conflict discussions were amazed to discover that the faster people’s heart rates were during conflict the more their relationships deteriorated over the next three years. Calmer couples had relationships that got better over time. Subsequent long-term studies involved the analysis of blood samples taken from couples as they engaged in conflict discussions… Based on the amounts of adrenaline and cortisol found in these samples it became possible for the scientists to predict the future health of those couple relationships.

Our heart rate, along with other essential bodily functions are controlled, largely unconsciously, by parts of our highly complex nervous system. When we sense that we are exposed to stress, threat or danger, a part of our nervous system, which has evolved specifically to prepare us for action in these situations, instantly triggers the secretion of stress hormones – including adrenaline and cortisol. When this happens, we become PHYSIOLOGICALLY aroused/flooded. Once flooded we experience huge PSYCHOLOGICAL effects that impact on our ability to interact with those around us.

In a couple situation the impacts can be very damaging. A flooded person: cannot absorb or process new information; feels that everything their partner says is an attack; tends to shut down; tends to avoid eye contact; wishes their partner would just disappear; if talking – will repeat themselves; is unable to listen, or if trying to listen will lose concentration; has no access to their sense of humour; struggles to think logically; struggles to see things from their partner’s perspective; is more likely to be defensive; and, is more likely to be aggressive.

COUPLES & Covid-19 CHALLENGE:
Look back to the impacts of flooding… you may be able to recall the last time you were hijacked by the impact of a sudden excess of stress hormones and the effect this had on those closest to you. There is some good news – we can learn to identify when there is a flood risk and how we can act to improve our flood prevention measures…

To access support now, contact

ACCORD COVID-19 COUPLES & RELATIONSHIP SUPPORT LINE

  01  531 3331    /    048  9568 0151    /    01  905  9555

Ref:
GOTTMAN, J.M. & GOTTMAN, J.S. (2018) The science of Couples and Family Therapy.  New York: W.W. Norton & Company  
http://www.gottman.com

MG (2020-04-26)